From 'The Hormone of Closeness - The role of oxytocin in relationships’ by Kerstin Uvnäs Moberg:

“Canadian research Michael Meaney, from McGill Unversity, demonstrated that some mother rats interact more than usual with their offspring by licking them, lying next to them and warming them during their first week of life. When these offspring became adult rats, they were less fearful, interacted more than other rats and were better able to handle stressful situations. When these rats, in turn, became mothers, they were particularly caring and social towards their own offspring. This behaviour is then repeated in subsequent generations. Initially, it was believed that this behaviour was due to a genetic difference between rats that licked and interacted more and rats that interacted less. But Michael Meaney has carried out experiments where he has shown that this may not be the case. He showed that if the offspring born to a mother who devoted herself to them and interacted and licked a lot was taken from their real mother and instead raised by a mother who didn’t lick or nurture them as much, the offspring adopted their ‘foster-mother’s’ characteristics. They became more scared, less social and less stress resistant. Neither did they become more nurturing towards their own offspring when becoming mothers themselves. In the same way, it could also be shown that the offspring born to a mother who didn’t lick as much, when raised by a more nurturing mother who licked a lot, adopted the ‘foster-mother’s’ characteristics. From these results, it was concluded that there was no real genetic difference between the rats that lick a lot and those that lick little. Instead, it was all about a character trait was that established in the first week of life and was dependent on how nurturing their mothers were and how much they licked their offspring during this time. The more licking and tactile interaction a rat pup was exposed to during the the first week of life, the more interactive and the calmer the rat because as an adult. It was the high amount of tactile stimulation that transformed them.”

What does this have to do with human babies you might wonder? Well, babies respond to being kissed, cuddled and stroked in a very similar way to rat pups: loving touch causes the release of oxytocin (a feel-good hormone) in their brain, and this generates positive brain development. How parents respond to their baby’s needs shapes their developing brain, programming the way they will respond to stress and manage their emotions. Being in the arms of a loving adult regulates a baby’s heart rate, breathing and body temperature, and calms and relaxes them. When a baby’s needs are met on a regular basis by a person who loves them deeply, they develop secure attachment, and this forms the basis of future physical and psychological good health. Feeling safe, secure and loved will, over time, give a child the ability to regulate their own emotions, develop self-confidence, and over the course of several years, become more social and independent.

The vast majority of new parents want nothing more than to respond lovingly to their baby’s requests for comfort and closeness, but unfortunately, many parents are warned by friends, family or even health professionals, that their baby will become spoilt and demanding if given too much attention. This is a myth: you can’t spoil a baby because their needs and their wants are the same.